But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough cause it was not said to you and that's exactly what I need to do if I'd end up with you. Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?
In this down part of my life, I tried all means of coping strategies to keep me away from misery. I started to find jobs that can occupy my spare time. Beautified my room and did all the works by my self to keep me busy in my apartment. Asked my friends for a dinner with me. Worked hard researching for my Marketing job. After all of this, I still end up in my room, facing my laptop and waiting for him to appear in my screen.
I am fully aware, my heart is screaming out loud from pain, my body starts to weaken from sleepless night, my eyes endeavor not to be drown from my tears, my lips will voluntarily to talk for me and my brain would choose to be in coma so I can stop playing the movie of him.
I am fully aware, my heart is screaming out loud from pain, my body starts to weaken from sleepless night, my eyes endeavor not to be drown from my tears, my lips will voluntarily to talk for me and my brain would choose to be in coma so I can stop playing the movie of him.
In the track of my life, this is drama keeps repeating itself. Maybe my friends wont admit, but my track already sounds like a band who plays bad. I am not saying that my friends already gave up on me, I believe that I can still run and rely to them. But for now, I choose not to. I admit, I am restless for being in the same situation every now and then for a long time now.
Then, I came to a realization, escaping from hurt and denial is just an illusion and does not take me out of the hole. I stopped going for job interviews, for end I keep deciding not to push through the offered job. I stopped adding more stuffs in my room, surprised to see how narrow it is that I can breath. I stopped inviting my friends for dinner because yes, I look like a looser. And I stopped overwhelming my data sheets and started to do the interactive works. Still I am ending inside my room, facing the laptop, waiting and finally talk to me.
Then, I came to a realization, escaping from hurt and denial is just an illusion and does not take me out of the hole. I stopped going for job interviews, for end I keep deciding not to push through the offered job. I stopped adding more stuffs in my room, surprised to see how narrow it is that I can breath. I stopped inviting my friends for dinner because yes, I look like a looser. And I stopped overwhelming my data sheets and started to do the interactive works. Still I am ending inside my room, facing the laptop, waiting and finally talk to me.
Seems like my world vanished behind me, all I can see is my computer, the port to vanished world. All of me is exhausted but a part of me keeps the fate that I can make it through this. I was inspired to be back in writing. Now, I can find better jobs in the internet, I can talk to my friends without disturbing them, I can get use with my narrow room and spend time working on my Marketing Plan. And I must admit, spending more time waiting for him and worse, writing about him?
Some people might even think I am pathetic and hopeless romantic. I am like most of the other writers, we write with emotions, pains and struggles. We are intelligent idiots. We let the world know how it will be like become a looser. We run into writing to save us from misery. I would agree that writing would help as an outlet of UNSAID emotions but in the end part, I need to do what I exactly need to do.
Some people might even think I am pathetic and hopeless romantic. I am like most of the other writers, we write with emotions, pains and struggles. We are intelligent idiots. We let the world know how it will be like become a looser. We run into writing to save us from misery. I would agree that writing would help as an outlet of UNSAID emotions but in the end part, I need to do what I exactly need to do.
I build my self up and fly around in circles wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle. finally could this it be?
I was inspired by the song Chasing Pavements by Adele. Yes, it can be a theme song of this chapter of my life.
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