One Small Step

It's now or never. I admit to be a coward in saying what I really feel. I am afraid to be humiliated. BUT NOW, I don't give a damn. It's time to me to get out of my coil, spread my wings and let people(him) see my real beauty.

I made a note for him about how to be missed by me. Why I wrote it? It's in the letter too. 

I’ve been missing you a lot more lately. Especially that I have the same life set up there at St. Louis and here. Living on my own is so different not having you around. I’ve wanted to tell this to you while ago, I just don’t know how. Every time I attempt to talk, I get nervous and just say or ask nonsense. HAHAHAHA I look like an idiot making awkward expressions and talking inside my head while typing this. I’m undecided to send this or just say it. Causes I won’t know how will you react and what will run in your mind when you read this. But if I’ll talk it with you, I’ll be able to see your reaction and you can immediately tell me what will run in your mind.

It’s been more than an hour of decision-making cause there is tough debate going on in my mind. You woke up (I don’t know if you'll remember or not) to check your laptop, you might wonder why my video was dark. I did it on purpose, for you not to freak out (because I’m still here) so you can get back to sleep. And just you to know, you make me nervous whenever you make movements! HAHA

(After an hour and 30 minutes) So, I think, I better tell it this way because if not, it will be junked in my mind. The reasons why I am saying this? I wanted to be fair and honest not just to you but to myself as well. And this is my way to relief the distress from the longing that I feel right now. I don’t want to be passive, letting the longing die a natural death worthless. But I don’t want to take the longing out of my system either, it’s a bittersweet thing that I want/like/love to keep.

I think, I said too much. I'm nervous on what he might say. This feels so unreal. Let's give it a shot!